Memo. To: ChatGPT. Re: Clarity Creation
A chance discovery leads me to experiment with a cutting-edge technique to save the world from crappy corporate communications.
creatingclarity* it says, the words large, uncapitalised and run together, with a gold star rising above the ‘y’, reminiscent perhaps of the star that the wise men followed to the manger of the baby Jesus, or possibly the kind of star kindergarten teachers give to kids for trying hard.
Just so you get the message that this is about CREATION of clarity the blue font is carefully crafted so the initial ‘c’ is light and fragmented, each successive letter becoming darker and better defined until you reach that final super-clear y that reaches out to claim its gold star. Clever innit?
I’m cleaning out my study, a task as fascinating as it sounds, and one from which (as my wife will confirm), I am easily diverted. I’ve just found a piece of note paper from my old corporate life, of the type they handed out at meetings in the hope you’d actually take notes about whatever brilliant strategic initiative our esteemed leaders were going on about at the time.
The slogan above headed each page of the giveaway notepad and had a subtitle in tiny font, “simple . open . integrated”. The latter intended, I guess, to focus our minds on the new “strategic direction” we were on. (If it had that effect on me, my scrawled notes from the meeting scarcely reflect it, being mostly doodles interspersed with reminders about tasks I’d promised to do around the house when I got back to New Zealand).
But my point here is not to get cheap laughs by disparaging the existence of business slogans that are at best only mildly related to the work of the corporation that displays them. Best to leave that to stand-up comics.
Rather I’d like to suggest that the the long-lost slogan I’d re-discovered, while generic, only vaguely aspirational and largely meaningless to our staff and clients, was in fact quite visionary.
Most large companies could do with a dose of clarity, at least in terms of their language and communications. Indeed one of the most frustrating and boring aspects of working for a big corporation is the leaden and repetitive nature of corporate communications. You are bombarded by emailed announcements about changes in HR policy, PR releases, memos from the CEO, company videos, social media posts and so on. Most more likely to inspire a desire to delete than to read.
Perhaps dimly aware of the tedious nature of their missives, the authors (and alas, I confess I created my share of them), have a tendency to adopt a tone of bombastic hubris, and to pepper paragraphs with hyperbolic adjectives in the hope of making them sound more interesting. Needing to make the contents seem important, the messages are artificially inflated by riddling dull paragraphs with cliché, jargon and acronyms.
Reflecting on memories evoked by the old slogan then, I felt sad for those still enduring such linguistic assault.
But suddenly I had a happier thought. Perhaps the world of business communications has changed for the better since I exited the corporate treadmill? After all, these days most big companies are stuffed full of people with expensively acquired MBA’s. Surely such bright folk would have appreciated the deleterious impact that crappy comms has on productivity and staff morale?
Unfortunately a quick search put paid to that optimistic hope. Drivelling, dull PR statements, and websites packed with tired clichés still seem to be the order of the day.
Then, because I am a blue-sky kind of thinker, I had a totally left-field, out-of-the box, cutting edge and truly innovative idea. AI, I thought, that’s the answer to everything. Surely ChatGPT could do better. Picking a fairly typical example of modern HR/PR prose (should we btw, perhaps refer to this rising genre of English as ‘PRose’?), I decided to do an experiment.
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So as not to pick on any poor multi-national in particular, I altered a recent press release from a big American corporate to disguise the name of the company, employee’s names, and the business sector (as far as I know there is no company called Prosate, and I don’t believe VRX imaging is really a thing. But I could be wrong, if so apologies to Prosaters and VRX imagers). Otherwise the text is unchanged
The press release in queston concerned the company’s important decision to change one senior executive’s role, and hire another couple of top-level gophers. I won’t bore you with the totality of the original, but instead want to demonstrate what ChatGBT did with three exerpts.
First Excerpt: In which the CEO reacts to the exciting news.
“With the addition of Fiona and Greg and the evolution of Steve’s role, our world-class executive leadership team is poised to continue to deliver for our global customer base and drive innovation across our business,” said Prosate CEO Marcus Fasisti. “Each of them brings an invaluable skill set from across the media, enterprise, and SaaS industries that will play a key role in our continued growth and further establish Prosate as the world's most trusted VRX imaging technology company.”
My experiment began by asking ChatGPT to simplify the text: “Rewrite this”, I requested, “to follow rules of grammar and simplicity of expression as recommended by modern style experts such as Steven Pinker. Reduce its length by at least 20% and do all possible to increase the likelihood of people reading it.”.
ChatGPT’s response to my hopeful request was as follows:
“Prosate CEO Marcus Fasisti expresses confidence in the enhanced leadership team's ability to drive innovation and meet the needs of the global customer base. Fasisti notes, "With Fiona and Greg joining and Steve's role evolving, our executive team is well-equipped to uphold Prosate's position as the world's most trusted VRX imaging technology company."
Which, I’m sure you’ll agree, is a bit better. But still a tad boring. So I asked my friendly, free AI to try again, by modifying my request: “create another version by replacing, where possible, any tired, overused or clichéd words and phrases with more innovative and interesting English”. And here’s what I got.
ChatGPT’s 2nd verion:
“Expressing unwavering confidence in the reinvigorated leadership team, Prosate CEO Marcus Fasisti anticipates their prowess in fostering innovation and meeting the diverse demands of the global customer base. Fasisti affirms, "With Fiona and Greg's inclusion and Steve's dynamic evolution, our executive ensemble is aptly poised to uphold Prosate's stature as the foremost authority in VRX imaging technology."
How wonderful, and how lucky for Greg and Fiona to join an “executive ensemble,” rather than just a boring old “team”! Much more motivating for them, surely?
A couple more examples, in the hope you find this as much fun as I did.
Second Excerpt: The original version outlining (in detail), the brilliance of the new hire, Fiona Fogger.
“As CMO, Fogger will be responsible for developing and executing a global marketing strategy that leverages data, insights, creativity, and connectivity to drive growth, boost brand awareness, increase customer acquisition, and expand customer loyalty. She brings a record of global success to Prosate, having previously held senior marketing leadership roles at large enterprise organizations in varying sectors, including XYZ Inc, SBAsynergistic SA, ISTP Partners, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, and the software company Etcetera. She will report directly to Prosate CEO Marcus Fasisti. “
ChatGPT’s 1st alternative, attempting simplification:
“As CMO, Fiona Fogger will lead global marketing efforts, utilizing data, insights, creativity, and connectivity to drive growth and enhance brand awareness. Fogger, with a successful track record in senior marketing roles at organizations including XYZ Inc, SBAsyergistic SA, and Etcetera, brings a wealth of experience to Prosate.”
This is a big improvement in that, as well as not cataloguing Ms Fogger’s entire career, it also achieves brownie points by replacing that dreadfully misused word “leverages” with the more accurate “utlilizing”.
Next, ChatGPT’s 2nd, more “innovative” version:
“In her role as CMO, Fiona Fogger spearheads global marketing endeavors, employing data-driven strategies, creative ingenuity, and robust connectivity to propel growth and elevate brand visibility. Fogger, a luminary with a proven track record in senior marketing capacities at esteemed organizations such as XYZ Inc and SBAsyergistic SA, brings a wealth of experience to Prosate.”
This, I fear, has an air of ‘trying too hard’, even possibly being guilty of ‘making things up’ (where did the original mention that the connectivity was robust?). Still, perhaps Fiona would accept not having her entire Curriculum Vitae listed, in return for being called a “luminary”?
Third Excerpt. A prime example of corporate burble.
“Steve Torrent has served as Chief Strategy and Corporate Development Officer and interim CMO. In addition to his current role, he has assumed new and expanded responsibilities as COO. As the Chief Operating Officer, Torrent’s responsibilities include corporate development and strategy, technology and channel partnerships, data engineering, strategy and analytics, revenue and marketing operations, and ad monetization. He will be focused on advancing the execution of Prosate’s strategy, driving operational excellence, fostering greater cross-functional collaboration throughout the organization, and leading growth and operational transformation initiatives“.
Does it seem to you, reading this, that the new COO is responsible for seemingly everything and everybody? I don’t know, should Marcus Fasisti be worried? I mean, what has the CEO got left to do?.
ChatGPT’s 1st revision of this, simplifies it a lot:
“Steve Torrent, previously Chief Strategy and Corporate Development Officer, assumes additional responsibilities as COO. In this expanded role, Torrent will focus on corporate development, strategy, technology partnerships, data engineering, and operational transformation initiatives.”
Surely, were you Marcus Fasisti. you’d quickly appreciate that ChatGPT’s version is far better than the original, much less likely to leave your second-in-charge with ideas above his station?
ChatGPT’s second version, aiming to avoid cliché, is also short, yet far more creative:
“Steve Torrent, previously Chief Strategy and Corporate Development Officer, undertakes additional responsibilities as COO. In this expanded capacity, Torrent concentrates on corporate development, strategic foresight, technology alliances, data engineering, and initiatives propelling operational metamorphosis”
Now the original version’s “operational transformation initiatives” is a bit of red-flag for experienced translators of corporate lingo. Unfortunately phrases like that are not necessarily about efficiency improvement. Quite often they represent a precursor to a round of head-count reductions and cost cutting, these primarily designed to impress investment analysts and thereby precipitate a share price spike. Not much in that to excite employee or customers is there?
But ChatGPT’s alternative, “initiatives propelling operational metamorphosis”? I mean WOW! It’s both opaque and mysterious, and yet, wonderfully, delightfully evocative. Not at all frightening or worrying. You sort of imagine ugly, caterpillar like data-engines and their associated down-trodden servitors being changed - or propelled - by Steve Torrent into a new form: a corporate butterfly, bright, colourful and glorious, soaring above the dull procedures and policies of the past.
When I read that phrase, I really thought the AI had nailed it, added something a bit different.
Sadly for that optimistic thought, a quick internet search revealed that this magic phrase is already quite widely used (or misused), and indeed is sometimes combined with other business drivel in quite fascinating ways. To whit a company that claims:
“At —— , we thrive on catalyzing operational metamorphosis and positive disruption within dynamic business landscapes.”
Fair do’s to whoever wrote this. What a statement! What a delicate dance between meaning and meaningless, between an English sentence and random words. It’s kind of like a Dali painting, full of objects we recognise but which, when gathered together, seem quite surreal.
That’s the kind of artistic genius which, at least in my experiment, ChatGPT just didn’t replicate.
Perhaps the problem is that “creatingclarity” just isn’t possible in business English, that clarity simply isn’t part of the raison d’etre of business organisations? Maybe in fact there is an intrinsic need to make management actions obscure, and to ensure that employees have to spend an extra hour every day trying to figure out what is going on. After all, we wouldn’t want anyone knocking off early, would we?
Sigh. So much for my experiment. It seems that AI is not yet creative enough to make business communications truly innovative and inventive, or even interesting. Possibly that’s just mission impossible.
Still, dear old Chatty did make the piece I experimented with a lot shorter, more readable and less totally bumptious.
And it did it in a couple of seconds. And it was free.
So then, to the moral of this post: If your kids are considering a career in PR or Communications, tell them no.
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I thought corporate communications were always written by machines. Deadly stuff. To survive, a colleague and I always played B.S. Bingo during all the dreary, interminable meetings. This was after I got tired of calculating the salary costs of worthless meetings. In B.S.Bingo, we filled the little squares on our Bingo cards with buzzwords: synergy, segue, sustainability, synchronicity, etc. The first one of us to cross off every word was supposed to jump up and yell “Bullsh*t.” That was the plan, anyway, but when one has a mortgage, kids needing an orthodontist, and a dodgy minivan, one restrains oneself. Our wins were always quiet little wins.